F-I-N-E

Freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional.

Maybe I set myself up for it. I think it’s a rational assumption to say that I did.

I know that I’m capable of not being emotional in the face of this new (not really) development. I have no right to feel emotional for myself. I should be happy for him.

I guess I am… somewhere beneath the layers of superficial bitterness and petty jealousy. I know I am because I love him in as much as I can, knowing him for as little time as I have. He deserves to be happy… enlightened… to have the weight off his shoulders… etc… etc…

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Of course I want him to be happy. Isn’t that what love is about? In any kind of love… not just the irrational obsessive kind. It’s putting the love-ee first before the love-r. Emotional maturity and all that.

I keep failing to remember that he needs all the support he can get. I keep forgetting that he’s mostly alone and although he’s having a fabulous time and learning so many exciting new things, it doesn’t take away the fact that he is still alone… and he needs all the love he can get.

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Maybe just neurotic now. :) I don’t think that’s ever going to change.